On Hospitality

Often when a given subject comes my way from multiple sources, I pay attention and wonder what the Lord is trying to tell me.

I think too much. :)

The latest topic has been hospitality. Several weeks ago Josh came upstairs from reading his Bible, and informed me that he wanted me to teach on this particular subject for my first Sunday School class with the young married ladies.

I sat in stunned silence, registering this tidbit of new information, for a good ten minutes.

And with me that's sayin' somethin'.

The fingers of dread and, yes, bitterness, began their grip on my heart and stomach. I held my tongue and repeated to myself "Don't say anything you'll regret!! Remember the definition of reverence!"

All the while, right under the surface just waiting to boil over, were thoughts of incredulity...

"You have GOT to be kidding me..."

"I have at least five good lessons that actually have to do with marriage all ready to go. I know this stuff. I do not know about hospitality, and, frankly, have no desire whatsoever to learn about it either..."

"You have to 'practice what you preach'. We have people over maybe once a year. Maybe. In my mind, hospitality, as defined by most Christians, is synonymous with going out and adopting triplets. I have enough to do, thankyouverymuch."

See, I told you. Bitterness in all it's ugliness.

So I prayed about it, and began to look for resources. I kid you not, all I came across were real live hospitality horror stories. Page after page after page of them. No joke.

I prayed some more, and read books I already had on my shelf pertaining to this, and got more and more discouraged with each and every chapter. I finally bought a book that came highly recommended as a last resort. If this one didn't say anything that I hadn't already read, I was done.

It didn't.

"Lord, what are you trying to teach me here?"

I so can't do this. I'm not kidding. After what I have read, and all the perfectionism disguised as "being relaxed and at ease, and yet, elegant"....well, it's enough to make me throw up. Really.

Take this for example: (and just for kicks, read it with a Miss Priss tone.) :)

One entire chapter is taken for "Writing a Menu".

"Like everything else in life, there is a right and wrong way to do the following in the realm of entertaining. The right way involves the following: writing a menu, setting a table, utilizing types of table service, following table service rules, selecting the correct table coverings, plates glasses, and silverware." (emphasis added)

"The following format is recommended for writing a menu. Capitalize the first letter of every food as you write the menu.

Main Dish

Vegetable Vegetable

Salad

Bread

Beverage

Dessert

If you have more than one item in any category, you balance them on either side of the center. If you have three items, one is centered, and the others balanced to the left and to the right of the centered menu item.

Roast Beef and Gravy

Mashed Potatoes Green Beans

Orange Salad

Whole Wheat Rolls

Coffee Iced Tea Milk

Cherry Cheesecake"

It goes on to say that, "No menu has to contain all the categories, but the ones used should be in the listed form. I write menus for my benefit to make sure they don't break established rules and to make it easier to make a shopping list. Menus are for the benefit of the hostess and not usually given to the guests."

Tell me something, please; why in the world would I go to all this trouble for myself? I can see no way that capitalizing or not capitalizing would benefit me in the least, can you? Let me just say for the record that I knew all these rules beforehand, but 10 plus years of practical experience has proven to me that not only are most of the "rules" impractical, they simply do not make one iota of difference.

WHY would I go to the trouble and expense of finding and using a "correct" tablecloth only to have it ruined within minutes by one or more of five children spilling multiple things on it? I need to wipe my table off many times a day. I know what would happen like I know my own name. It would be ludicrous; only adding stress to the already stressful situation of having guests around to watch me as I unset the table, take the tablecloth off, treat it for stains, come back upstairs to reset the table and try to finish dinner in a pleasant manner, or, in all likelihood leaving it while we finish the meal allowing the stain to thoroughly set.

Josh did buy me a nice set of matching plates for our anniversary a few years ago, and while I agree that it is wonderful to show your family that they are special by using your nicest dishes on a regular basis, the ultimate and sure end result is chips and cracks that deem them no longer "company worthy." By perfectionist standards anyway.

If you come to my house for a meal you will find the table simply set (with mismatched dishes and silverware), bare of any table covering (correct or incorrect), with no centerpiece (because it will only have to be removed to make room for the food). The food itself will be delicious and filling but nothing particularly special; Tacos, Enchiladas, Burritos, Chili, Spaghetti, Lasagna, Baked Chicken or Hamburgers in all likelihood. (Notice I properly capitalized each food. Does anyone care that the format is all wrong? I didn't think so. :))

I wish I could say that my time has been well spent, and I have come out on the other side enthusiastic about hospitality.

But I can't.

I have learned something though! :) It's okay to be yourself, and do what works for you, regardless of what anyone else may think. The important thing is having people over for fellowship. Keep it simple. The fact is: there is no wrong way to go about being hospitable. Common courtesy is all that is required.

Make sure your house is reasonably clean; it doesn't have to be perfect. It's okay to close doors to certain rooms. If someone does go through and looks at your house anyway, don't stress. Just laugh and admit that your house is lived-in and thoroughly enjoyed; it's not a shrine. I cannot tell you how many times this has happened to me. And more often than not, someone has come across a used Pull-Up or two that were nonchalantly left on the floor. People will respect you more for being real than for being a perfectionist. Don't be afraid to ask your guests to bring something to help you out. Leave the majority of the clean-up for afterward, unless your guests offer to help you and you can fellowship and enjoy the process.

The Lord will bless your efforts when you do things for His honor and glory, even if it isn't perfect. "And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not unto men." Your heart attitude matters more than any other single thing. Even if the food flops, if you take it with the right heart attitude, you have succeeded. Do not let others make you feel inferior when they quote verses such as "Let all things be done decently and in order." Their specifics concerning that and yours will be vastly different. One is by no means better or worse than the other. Just different.

Embrace your uniqueness, sit back, relax, and enJOY being a hostess.

Oh, and don't feel guilty if you are at a point in your life where hospitality cannot be a priority. That is OKAY. Really! :) Someday it will be a joy. Don't force it when it isn't, or you will potentially ruin it for yourself forever. :)