*B.U.S.Y.

Before proceeding, please read this.

I have 19 commitments at church this month. Two of those are nursery duty, and that doesn't include playing the organ for every service. I have to be there early, stay late, or make special arrangements to either sing with Kristy, play for Kristy, sing with Josh, sing a solo, play for a ladies group or to practice for one or a combination of those five things every Sunday and Wednesday. That furthermore does not include all the practicing I have to do at home, just to squeak by (literally more often than not), or the new groups that we've been asked to be a part of.

Stick a fork in me, I am so done.

Josh came home from church this past Wednesday night and said, "We must make having five kids look easy. Do people really not understand what having a large family entails? Why then do they insist on asking us to do more and more when we're already barely getting by as it is? And THEN still refuse to give us a break when we have to put our family first?"

I've been a Christian long enough to know all the trite, pat answers. "His grace is sufficient." Or "Faithful is He that calleth you who also will do it." Or "His yoke is easy and His burden is light."

Is that so?

Well, my response now is a big, fat "Baloney!"

God's promises are there for us to claim only after we obey. We have to do things God's way first. And at first glance, that may seem to be something that it's not...

The devil is so cunning.

Oh, how he loves to make fools out of us. I have been such a fool. I amaze myself with my own blatant, unmitigated stupidity.

Here I've been, going on about wanting to be in the sight of God of great price, even far above rubies, staying b.u.s.y. doing all the things that it "seemed" like I was supposed to stay faithful doing, and the devil's been laughing at me all along.

Someday I may be able to laugh at myself, but I doubt it.

It's not funny. Not funny at all.

It is not okay that I have to put my children in the nursery for every service because neither Josh nor I sit until the preaching begins. They are my responsibility, fully capable of sitting still through a church service with proper training, and not given to me to stash away in a nursery with someone different every single service, or running around after services distractedly supervised (most often not at all) while I dutifully practice and Josh counts money. Jordan and Alia were always with me or a set of grandparents, and I never once had issues to deal with concerning them that I do Isaac and Nathan. Not even close. As my sister so concisely put it, people are more likely to remember me by how my children act than by my playing and singing ability. "Amen, sista'! I hope so!" LOL :)

It's not okay that by the time Monday rolls around I'm too exhausted to even get out of bed at a decent hour, let alone have the motivation to cook and clean and homeschool and be a pleasant, calm, relaxed, good mommy and wife.

And most importantly, it is not okay for me to be so overwhelmed and stressed out with everything that when God finally whacks me over the head with a hammer because I'm too b.u.s.y. to listen, I cry for five days from the exhaustion and confusion that ensues. I wander around in tears from chore to chore amidst unbridled chaos wondering why things are not getting better, when I'm trying so hard to "serve God" faithfully. "Lord, why aren't you helping me?"

And then I remember, "Fret not. My yoke indeed is easy and My burden is light. And there is joy in serving Jesus....when you do it My way."

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths."

*Being Under Satan's Yoke