The Aroma of Your Heart Part II

Josh read my post yesterday, and offered a different perspective on the Proverbs 31 verse, "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he will have no need of spoil." He disagreed with my interpretation of the word "spoil".

And I totally agree with him.

The comma in this verse really does make a difference. As you know, in that post my focus was on the "heart" clause of the verse, not so much the "spoil" part. But I was reading it as if there was no comma there and therefore did not interpret it right. I stand corrected. :)

Ironically, we went out to dinner last night with our Pastor and his wife and as we perused a bookstore afterward I came across the book "Eats Shoots and Leaves". It's a really neat book about the importance of punctuation and has the cutest pictures of one panda bear climbing a ladder to eat shoots, and another walking away with a gun in his hand. (Ya know, "Eats, Shoots, and Leaves." So funny! :))

Anyway, :) in the Bible the word "spoil" usually refers to the "spoils" of war. Josh said that he hadn't really thought much about this verse before, but his first thought was that it meant that a husband knows that he can come home and find fulfillment in his wife. She more than adequately meets his every need. So much so, in every area, that he doesn't feel the need to go out and make other "conquests". His examples were finding fulfillment in sports, his work, or other people outside of his family. He said he thought that many men would rather go play golf or escape into the television after work rather than go home to have to "deal with" their wives.

If a husband's heart safely trusts in his wife, he will have all the "spoil" he needs from feeling like a successful husband and father. He doesn't have to be good at a sport, or keep advancing at work, or go out and do things for other people in order to feel appreciated and successful. All his needs are met at home. This also leads into the importance of the wife being at home, but that's another post for another time. :)

One of a man's most basic needs, besides the two most obvious ones, food and intimacy, is affirmation; approval; honor; reverence. He can get all those things from outside sources, but nothing will fulfill him like receiving those things from his wife. The one nearest and dearest to his "heart".

But what most wives don't like to hear is that they have to earn that place in their husband's heart. Most women would gladly fill these needs in the man they love before the marriage, but after the ceremony takes place....

it's a different story.

Gone are the fairytale "happily ever after" illusions. Reality sets in with a resounding thud.

Love. is. hard. work.

Unfulfilled expectations of what married life would be like lead to feelings of overall discontentment, and life turns into a vicious cycle of unfulfillment that has the propensity to last for years. Since the wife doesn't feel fulfilled, she has basically no desire to give fulfillment to her husband. Oh, she may go through the motions, but he can tell that her "heart" is not in it and therefore leaves him empty; like "that was a good appetizer, but what's for dinner?" So he inadvertently seeks fulfillment elsewhere. This leads to criticism from the wife that her husband is never home, never listens, doesn't communicate, doesn't even try to understand her, and so on and so forth, and things go from bad to worse in a hurry.

Where did all this misery start? I think it was with the wife's "thoughts" of what married life would be like. During courtship, he was her prince charming. He was thoughtful, and fun-loving, and considerate. He always smelled and looked nice, and was basically the perfect gentleman. They may have had disagreements or "lover's spats" here and there, but her "feelings" of love won out in the end and they always made up. Overall her "thoughts" about her man were pleasant, so she couldn't "feel" mad for long.

Once married life begins, their guard is let down, and all bets are suddenly off. She isn't always as beautiful as he thought she was, inside or out, and he no longer fits the description of "Prince Charming". Disagreements pile up until separation looms ominously in the distance like the Grand Tetons.

The good news is that you can change all of that. You, and only you, have control over your thoughts. You have the power to change them. "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." "With God all things are possible." At first it may seem impossible to make yourself think of anything good about your husband. Or the good things that you can think of will be relatively insignificant; not nearly good enough to make up for the bad. :) In case you're wondering how I know, it's because I am describing my own experience here. That's not to say that everyone else's experiences are the same as mine, but I think that you all are able to relate to what I'm saying anyway. :) Men take some getting used to. No matter who they are. LOL

You will find that the more you focus on the positive in your husband the more positive your thoughts will be overall, and you'll be on your way to a new heart. A brand new you. The woman, and most importantly, wife, that you always wanted to be.

And your husband will begin to transform right before your eyes. Almost as if by magic. One day you will wake up and see your "Prince Charming." The man you had always dreamed of and hoped for, but thought it was too late to ever find.

And you will be his Princess; his treasure. To him, your price will be "far above" rubies. He will rise up, and call you blessed, and welcome you into the most vulnerable part of him. His "heart." You will know all his innermost, private thoughts, and he will know that his "secrets" are safe with you.

Yes, trouble will come; hardship will come. But you will be one in the truest sense. And "a threefold cord is not quickly broken." For better or for worse, the aroma will remain the same. Sweet, and attractive because you hold the key to happiness.

"I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 96% how I react to it." ~Scipio Africanus