~ On Unity and Disloyalty ~

On Unity and Disloyalty ~

"The next characteristic of spiritually abusive systems is that a misplaced sense of loyalty is fostered and even demanded. We’re not talking about loyalty to Christ, but about loyalty to a given organization, church, or leader. Once again, because authority is assumed or legislated (and therefore not real), following must be legislated as well.  Questioning leaders is equal to questioning God.  After all, the leader is the authority, and authority is always right. This causes people to misplace their loyalty in a leader, a church, or an organization. Once again, this makes the wall around the system thicker and makes it more difficult to leave."  Johnson, David; VanVonderen, Jeff (2005-10-01). The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse: Recognizing and Escaping Spiritual Manipulation and False Spiritual Authority Within the Church  

Whenever problems start rearing their ugly heads in churches one of the most predictable results are sermons on the topic of unity.  These often include sub points warning of the evils of gossip and criticism, especially of the church staff.  One Pastor we know of would go so far as to say that if anything negative was said about him or any of his staff that the people were not to listen to it unless they had two eye witnesses and physical proof.  On the surface this seems right.  The only problem is, if no one hears of problems there is no chance of them being solved.  Or, perhaps, that's the point.  

"Another abusive result of the 'don't talk' rule is that when people from inside the group finally break the silence and begin to talk about the group's problems, they are persecuted. They are told that everything was just fine until they started causing trouble. (Incestuous families react in exactly this way toward the first daughter to blow the whistle on her father and her family)  

If the whistle-blowers reveal the group's problems to the outside world, the group will mobilize to discredit them. Sometimes trumped-up countercharges are aired, but most often the troublemakers' mental and emotional state is brought into question. Almost never are the actual issues raised ever admitted, let alone dealt with. The real problems are not acknowledged; instead, the whistle-blowers themselves become the problem. Thus honest examination is averted and denial maintained.  

A shallow appeal to unity is a common ploy of abusive groups. It often works, however, because no one wants to be accused of bringing disunity in the church. We all long for unity in the body of Christ. Even the angels long for it. But as Gene Edwards says, 'Beware of the leader bearing an inordinate dose of unity.'3  Abusive leaders often appeal for unity in order to protect themselves from critical examination. A survivor of an abusive group put it this way:  'I am tired. Tired of being bullied and seeing others bullied and persecuted all in the name of unity. I'm tired of representing an organization that has such frail faith in itself that it can tolerate no dissension in its ranks, not one bit of constructive criticism of the policies forced upon Christians by a dictatorial group of men.'4  ~Ken Blue. Healing Spiritual Abuse: How to Break Free from Bad Church Experience  

We've also noticed the strange phenomenon of pastors of other churches backing up pastors who have been called out for sin and defending the abuse, even going so far as preaching hard about unquestioningly following the pastor in each other's pulpits in these instances, in an "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours" way of showing solidarity.  It seems to be an unspoken understanding that unless a pastor has been immoral (and even sometimes then) he is above reproof, and the issue at hand isn't worth bothering about.  

When we left our church we posted this on Facebook to let our brothers and sisters in Christ know:  

"After much prayer, heartache, and counsel from many other pastors the Lord has shown us that we can no longer attend (church name).  It has nothing to do with other members.  We just want out church family to know that we love you all more than ever, and we are praying for you!"

My inbox was flooded with messages of gratitude and support for letting everyone know and not just disappearing.  But, of course, there were also the naysayers, and every last one of them was a pastor or missionary.  

A pastor from a different part of the country contacted us wanting to know what our former pastor had done, specifically asking if he had been immoral.  We told him that he wasn't immoral that we know of, but that he was dishonest, and we were praying to have a humble, right response.  Our concerns were soundly dismissed and we were reprimanded for the Facebook post telling us that it wasn't a humble, right response, and that he agreed with a missionary who had disagreed in the comments concerning posting it publicly in an "open letter format" saying it was designed to create doubt in the minds of others about the pastor.  The missionary never once asked for details.  I don't recall either of these men ever responding to any other Facebook posts of ours previously or since.  After dressing us down they proceeded to go on about God blessing our former pastor's ministry and stating their unwavering love and support of him.  If that was their response to that, I imagine nothing short of crucifixion will do after reading this.

Immediately thereafter our previous pastor distributed copies of a sermon preached by another very abusive pastor to the people of the church in order to drum up loyalty.  In it, he berated those that exposed problems in churches using no Scripture for the entire message save for 1 John 2:19, "They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would no doubt have continued with us: but they went out, that they might be made manifest that they were not all of us.”  (This verse is talking of people who are not saved.) 

The pastor that preached this message had a son who was found to have been sexually involved with various women in the church building while his father was still pastor.  When this pastor was later removed, it was also discovered that large sums of money had disappeared.  This same pastor was also recently considered as a replacement for Jack Schaap after he was tried and convicted of molesting a teenager. The network of these abusive pastors is truly unbelievable.  

Often the texts of scripture they use in these unity sermons have nothing whatsoever to do with the guilt-trip they are putting upon people.  The "applications" are conveniently broad, and the illustrations predictably vague, causing an "Uh oh, somebody's in trouble.  Who dun' it?" response in the largely clueless listeners who, despite what the preacher seems to think, know nothing of which he speaks ... they hope, they think.  

These preachers are deliberately controlling and manipulating people into submission and subservience, and taking advantage of the tender-hearted ones who are looking for any way to serve the God they love by innocently going along with what they believe to be a message from God, when in reality it was nothing more than a motivational speech from a mere man with his own high-handed agenda.  This is called "grooming," and sets people up to continue finding themselves in abusive situations.  

"Peace and unity are important in the body of Christ. But experiencing true peace and unity does not mean pretending to get along or acting like we agree when we don’t. Verses [on unity] have been used to get people to act unified when they are not. The result is a 'can’t-talk' relationship system in which problems get swept under the carpet and leaders are not held accountable for their actions. Because the people are not really unified at all, dissension and strife grow through gossip and backstabbing.  

In order to protect peace and unity they have to already exist. It is not possible to preserve or maintain something that is not there. In a spiritually abusive system, people are taught how to counterfeit peace and unity. The irony is that what is actually maintained is a lack of peace and unity.   Conflict would be a sign of something wrong, and, according to the unspoken rules, there cannot be anything wrong."   Johnson, David; VanVonderen, Jeff (2005-10-01). The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse: Recognizing and Escaping Spiritual Manipulation and False Spiritual Authority Within the Church