~ Brokenness ~

Broken ~

We. were. shattered.  Nights consisted of more tears than sleep, and questions flooded our minds as we tried to figure out what God was doing, how to pick up the pieces, and most importantly where we were supposed to go from there. For me personally, 1 Peter chapter 4 became so very precious at this time.  I read it, and read it, and read it again, each time gleaning more strength, encouragement, and insight into not only who God is, but what He was doing, and I was able to praise Him for His sovereignty.  He saw me where I was, He loved me passionately still,  He assured me that He was my defense and that the rejection that I faced and felt in no way mirrored or altered how He saw me.  He even went so far as to give me glimpses into the beauty of His work in progress, as often as I needed.  

   

Did I still struggle with resentment, anger, and bitterness?  YES.  I still do, occasionally.  I can easily say I experienced the entire gamut of emotions throughout, from thanksgiving for no longer having to endure the lies and betrayal one moment to utter anguish at the senseless, incomprehensible loss of such cherished people and friendships the next.  There was one thing that God reminded me of again and again that has helped me overcome my negative thoughts and feelings.  I could say those emotions were directed at the people who hurt me all I wanted, but the truth I knew in my heart was that they were really directed toward Him.  

Oh, how it broke me when I realized I was laying the same undo blame on Him that had been lain on us.  He had allowed it.  I had to accept that.  All He was asking of me was to praise and trust Him in spite of how I felt about it.  I had to choose to believe that He is good, and that He doesn't make a mistake ~ not even one ~ and that, yes, He is Sovereign ~ even over the mistakes of others that caused me suffering ~ and He is able to make all things turn out for His good and glory.  

We had never left a church on negative terms, never thought we would, and pray it never happens again.  It has been the most agonizing, confusing mess we have ever experienced.  It's hard to explain to others what happened to us when we have had all these many months to absorb and process it all, and it still doesn't make sense.

The first thing we want to do is defend those we love, and try to think of reasons or excuses for why they do the things they do. While what motivates that is commendable, it isn't love.  Sin is to be condemned and confessed, never condoned and covered.  Love always does what is best for the other person, even if it has the potential to hurt.  

Proverbs 17:9 says, "He that covereth a transgression seeketh love ..." and 1 Peter 4:8 says, "...charity shall cover a multitude of sins."  These verses are often used by abusive leadership to keep people from speaking out against wrong.   The word "transgression" and "sins" in these contexts are referring to an infringement on the personal rights or boundaries of others.  But when people sin or transgress against God, over and over with no sorrow, repentance, or admission of wrongdoing, the Bible admonishes us to rebuke and reprove that person, regardless of their position in the church.  God is not a respecter of persons. Never does He condone keeping sin covered that has not been confessed. Luke 17:3 says, "Take heed to yourselves:  If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him." (emphasis mine)

"He that covereth his sins shall not prosper; but he that confesseth and forsaketh them shall find mercy."  ~Proverbs 28:13

    

"I agree with Stephen Arterburn and Jack Felton, who say, 'We must have the courage to follow Christ's example and overturn the system, be it a marriage or an organization, if that system is wrong. Silent submission in the face of violence, dishonesty and abuse will only enable that abuse to be passed on to generations.'"15  Ken Blue. Healing Spiritual Abuse: How to Break Free from Bad Church Experience 

    

So He challenges us, stretches our faith, growing and strengthening it in the process, through trial, tribulation, hardship, and yes, even slander and betrayal.  But we long to spare others the heartbreak we have seen.  Most of all we want to help them break free from the bondage we have unknowingly experienced and been delivered from, through Christ's goodness and grace alone.