What Is Your Love Language?

How often do you feel as if you and your spouse are speaking entirely different languages? How often do you say, "he just doesn't understand?" It's probably true. He doesn't understand you anymore than you understand him; because you're speaking different love languages.

Do you feel loved when people give you gifts? Or when others cook for you or help you clean (act of service)? Or when someone takes the time to spend some quality time with you? Or when someone touches you? Or when someone speaks words of affirmation to you? Those are the five love languages, and each one contains various dialects.

People often express love by doing to others what would make they themselves feel most loved. But if your love language is quality time, and his is acts of service, you'll each be loving each other the way you would like to be loved, but your respective "love tanks" will remain on empty.

Josh and I have a great marriage. It wasn't always so, but God truly is a prayer-hearing and answering God! I give Him all the glory for what He has allowed my marriage to grow into. It wasn't easy or fun, but it was worth it.

I would gladly do it all again.

And there was a time when I never thought I'd live to see the day I would be willing to say that.

God is good. I can't say it enough. Our marriage went from pretty bad to very good in a matter of months after I read "Created To Be His Help Meet" by Debi Pearl. Now that I have read "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Smalley...... from the bottom of my soul I give God the glory; only He can perform miracles like this. And what I love most about it is how He consistently does things on such a grand scale. My marriage is not just great...

it's heavenly.

A little piece of heaven on earth. I can't imagine it getting much better than this, but I know that it will! My excitement knows no bounds! :)

The easy part is reading the books. The hard part it doing what you know. But it's only hard at first. Once you experience the payoff, it actually becomes a fun challenge! To see how honoring you can be when before you would have been bitter or resentful. To see how loving you can be when before you would have become angry and hurt, and maybe tried to make him suffer for upsetting you.

It always pays to become a servant when your husband wrongs you; to look for ways to show him your love, not just tell him. Actions speak louder than words.

I've discovered that Josh's primary love language is acts of service. I can't believe I never saw it before, but it makes complete sense. His love tank is filled when he walks in the house and doesn't have to trip over seven pairs of shoes, or touch a sticky, cruddy stair rail, or walk on a floor peppered with crumbs and sticky spots. When he walks in to his bathroom and it sparkles, and when he reaches into his sock drawer still half asleep in the mornings and doesn't have to fish around for matching socks. He grew up in a dilapidated old farm house. It never looked clean even if it was. As a result he simply cannot stand filth. He had no choice but to live in it back then. He has a choice now. Through no fault of his own, he interprets love through acts of service.

My primary love language is quality time. I thrive on being able to look forward to a break after a long week of cooking, cleaning, homeschooling, and child-training. If I don't have it, I want to quit. If I do have it to look forward to I am automatically motivated to get everything done that needs to be accomplished so that I can thoroughly enjoy that time without any unfinished or even half-finished jobs hanging over my head. I feel that I have worth and that I earned it. I feel loved.

We have mutual secondary languages which is what I think has helped us be so happy in spite of ignorance of these things the past few years. We both appreciate words of affirmation and physical touch. Neither of us care much about giving or receiving gifts.

It was eye-opening to learn the many different dialects of each language and fun to practice using them. While I really don't enjoy doing these things for Josh any more than I used to yet, it has given new meaning to otherwise mundane, and seemingly futile, tasks.

Even if you are not struggling in your marriage, I highly recommend these two books. They will make a difference. God always blesses when He sees the effort we put into doing things His way. He takes what little we have to offer and prospers it. The result is showers of blessings! :)