*Originally written July 2, 2010. I postponed posting so I could pray some more over sharing this one, but the Lord impressed upon me today that I needed to.*
It's been gloomy and rainy here. Most of the time I love the rain. It's so soothing to me.
For some reason though, I haven't felt well when the sun is not shining lately. Even if it's just momentarily hiding behind the clouds it affects me.
It's been my thorn, and so symbolic.
I've been hearing and reading and learning a lot about not just being thankful in the hard things that Father allows to come my way, but to rather glory in them.
It's a lot easier said than done.
When I get headaches, they are not just a bother. They are debilitating. I don't necessarily have a low threshold for pain either. I managed to have five children completely naturally at home.
While it's just like God to use physical maladies to draw us closer to Him, the devil often sees them as opportunities to kick us while we're down. He isn't exactly known for fair play.
I don't have time to be flat on my back in bed. Life goes on at it's ever increasing pace, and it's a whole lot easier to keep up than catch up. Laundry and dishes and dust and dust bunnies and sand. Everywhere. Nothing gets me down like being behind in my work. I don't enjoy a challenge. It just isn't worth it to me.
And the devil uses it.
In the preaching I've heard over and over,
"Don't give up!"
"Whatever you do, don't quit!"
It is SO HARD to keep going when every step you take hurts worse than the last, and every minor incident is magnified by the intensity of the pain. Nothing makes me more compassionate toward others than experiencing pain like that first hand. And nothing makes it more tempting to quit.
I've had a lot of time to think. I've been looking back and I'll admit I've been blinded by all the things that the devil keeps reminding me that I can't see.
~I've been soul-winning since I was 15 years old. And I haven't seen one soul saved as a result.
~~I've been as faithful as I can possibly be to church and the ministries God has given me and I can't see what good it's done me or anybody else.
~~~I've been trying so hard to be the best wife and mother I can be with God's help, and all I can see is that my best is never good enough.
I'm so tired. So, so tired of trying so hard to fight the good fight, only to be rewarded with...another battle.
I feel like I've been crying for three weeks straight. People at church would come up to me, and sincerely ask me how I was doing, and tears would just start streaming down my face, and I'd have to just walk away from them. The discouragement has been enough to crush me.
My husband is a saint. He has been lying beside me in bed at night as I cry myself to sleep, praying for me, and saying, "Don't quit, Honey. Please, don't quit!" And reminding me of God's faithfulness to me and our family, and how supernaturally blessed our marriage is and the testimony of our children, and the many, many souls that have been saved as a result of my mom's ministry which we have very intimately been apart of through prayer.
I know one thing for certain......there is indeed much that I cannot see! And I'm so glad. Indeed, I GLORY in that fact!!!
In His unending faithfulness Father has shown me (once again) that I am not responsible for the results of my faithfulness. All He asks of me is faithfulness itself. I am to leave everything else up to him.
~God promises in Isaiah 55:11 "So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper [in the thing] whereto I sent it." I've handed out hundreds and hundreds of tracts! I have faith that I will someday see souls in heaven that wouldn't otherwise be there had I decided to stay at home that day. God Himself gives the increase! What a relief that it falls to His lot rather than mine! {1 Corinthians 3:7}
~~Philippians 1:6 "Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:" God asks me to do the very things I feel least equipped for precisely because I will have no other choice but to rely on Him for the results. {God knows just what we need. Since making the choice to keep on keeping on people have been coming up to me right and left and blessing the socks off me by thanking me for my faithfulness and telling me that they probably wouldn't be as faithful as they are if I wasn't faithful. It has greatly humbled me and quite honestly scared me to death to think of all those I would be accountable for if I had decided to quit!}
~~~1 Thessalonians 5:24 "Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it." God has blessed me tremendously with the husband and children he has given me and has more than equipped me to do this job with His help. He created me just as I am, weaknesses and all, to mother these specific children. And I complete Josh just as I am, weaknesses and all, because my weaknesses have proven time and time again to magnify Josh's strengths! Truly Jesus doeth all things well!
Don't quit weary Christian wife and mother, don't quit! GLORY may be just around the corner!!!
4 comments:
Boy Sherri, can I relate to you in many, many ways. Too many thoughts to express. Way too many. And just as I was finishing my comment to you my computer deleted it, so what does that tell you?? The Enemy is sneaky. He is a roaring Lion. He is cunning. But he is no match for He who has given us a Paraclete. He is our Wounded Healer. He is your Wounded Healer.
There is not an area of your life that He is not aware of. He allows the Spirit to cry out for you.
You know I have lived in chronic pain now for 3 years. There is nothing the Enemy loves more than to attempt to wound you more as you deal with the physical demands of this brief life. This I do know: He loves you. He is with you. He adores you.
Too many words to say, so I will go to His throne as your sister in Christ and will pray for Princess Sherri and her family.
You are loved,
lise
Lisa, whenever I'm in pain, I automatically think of you and pray for you! What I deal with is nothing like your life. If I'm careful about what I eat, stay active and go to bed early I usually have minimal pain and can sometimes avoid it entirely. It's definitely manageable. I know you of all people understand! Thank you for your compassion.
A lady from our church has been praying that God would show me His love for me specifically and individually everyday. She even called me early one morning about two weeks ago during VBS and said that each night she was going to ask me how God demonstrated His love for me that day. It has opened my eyes to a whole world of blessings that have more often than not gone unnoticed.
Anyway, today He used your comment. I'm crying as I type. Thank you so much, Lisa!
A friend on facebook also posted this and it's my hope that it will be as encouraging to you as it was to me. As I read it I could almost hear the Lord whispering it out loud from His heart to mine:
Ever wonder what God is doing in your life? Sometimes it is so hard to understand, and even harder to accept. I struggle with that sometimes, then God gave me these verses:
Jeremiah 29:11---“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you and expected end.”
God is THINKING ABOUT ME!!! Not only is He thinking about me, everything he puts in my life, he has considered and placed them there thoughtfully, to produce in me the end He has planned for my life all along!
Then I was reading in Psalm 139:17 and 18, “How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand…”
Not only does He think about me, He thinks about me a WHOLE LOT!!! It says in the previous verse that He even considered how He was going to design each part of me before He even put me together!
If He takes that much care in designing every part of me, and if He has a plan for the end He wants me to come to, if He loves me that much……to care about each detail of me when there are so many “more important” people He has to think about….shouldn’t I just be willing to surrender to His will and trust that He has only good in mind for me?
Back to Jeremiah 29:11, He doesn’t say that all he has planned will seem good to me, but all He has planned IS good FOR me. It is to produce a glorious end in my life. That is why I can say with Paul:
“And we know that all things work TOGETHER for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” ---Romans 8:28
Not all things SEEM good, but working together, all things ARE for our good. Each ingredient of a cake is not good if you eat it by itself. And even all mixed together, they aren’t as good as they are once the heat has been applied for the correct amount of time and the “good stuff” (the icing in our lives) is added on top…..Perfection! That is what God is working for in our lives. He is trustworthy, if we just trust.
P.S. I know several of my friends are struggling with big things this morning. I am not meaning to be flippant about your struggle. I know the "just trust God" answer seems very "pie in the sky", but after all, it is His answer. He is reaching out to you saying, "Just trust me, I designed you and I have a plan I am working out. Just trust me". I am struggling right there with you, but I know in my heart of heart that trusting and obeying really is the answer.
Love and prayers for you, my struggling friends!
I suffered from horrific migraine headaches for several years while my kids were young. Sometimes they were so bad that even when I didn't have one I worried and worried about the next one. 3 years ago I had a hysterectomy, and I haven't had a headache since. God just does seem to have these seasons that we must go through. I don't know why, except that we should glorify Him through everything. I will pray for you.
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